Into The Sunset
by hutchess
Summary: COMPLETE Standing in front of me is Remus Lupin, offering me nothing but an apology. He's looking worse than I've ever seen him, and I know its because of me. Don't let him do this to me, not now when I've just got everything figured out!


A/N I wrote this story a while ago, and I actually had parts of it uploaded here. But I didnt like it, do I edited it, changed the wording, and made some plot changes. I've also added in extra scenes. I hope you like this new version. I think it makes a LOT more sense. Enjoy!

Disclaimer:

Dearest Reader, please take some time  
To read this little verse of mine

My name's hutchess; I wrote this fic  
Dont worry, Reader, I'll make it quick.

The people, places and spells you see,  
Are from Miss Rowling, not from me.

I wrote this fic 'cause I was bored  
And I'd never ask a cash reward.

There's one last thing that you should know  
Steal this verseand you become my foe.

Thanks, dear Reader, for your precious time.  
You're free to read this story of mine

Credit's been given where it's due,  
So read the fic, and then **review!**

Shirt?

Check.

Pants?

Check.

Bra?

Check.

Remus?

Remus?

No. Of course not.

I am leaving. I need to get away from here, away from my problems and away from him.

Remus.

Why can't I get him out of my head? His name haunts me day and night, a constant reminder of the best and worst times of my life.

I couldn't help falling for Remus. It was meant to be, everyone said so. And for a while, I believed them. Remus is, no, _was_ the love of my life. He is such a nice guy. He's so sensitive and romantic, but he's got a witty side to him, that's sometimes hidden from the world. He could make me feel like I'm on the top of the world even when I'd had a horrible day. He is, no, WAS my dream man. The one I spent twenty-seven years waiting for. Remus was wonderful.

Was.

What a sad word. 'Was' is the mark of impermanence. Why can't dreams go on forever? Why couldn't I just have lived in my perfect little world until eternity? How come everything had to fall apart? I should have known it was coming. Something was bound to happen, and when it did, it shattered my world. But it's not Remus' fault. He had been truthful with me; I was just too naïve to see the consequences. I had known about it already, but I loved him too much to care. I never thought I was putting myself in danger by being with him, but I was wrong.

Oh, God was I wrong.

And that's why I am leaving. I can't stay around him anymore. Not after what happened to us.

Not after what happened to me.

Socks?

Check.

Jewlery?

Check.

I pause, as I look at the mess on my old bed. I was in too much of a hurry to get packed so I just threw all my clothes onto the bed, and now I'm cramming it all into a suitcase. I have to get out of here.

I push away a rumpled, torn old shirt. There's a photo there, of Remus and me. We look so happy together. It was taken during the dream that was the last four months of my life. There we are, standing outside Fortesque's Ice-Cream shop. Remus has his arm around me and he's looking down at me. As I keep looking, my dream-self waves, but loses her balance and gets ice cream on the tip of her nose. Typical me.

I remember that day clearly now. I have been trying to make myself forget it. I have to forget the good things so that I won't die with the pain of losing Remus.

As if taken directly from my memory, Remus's picture self dabs the ice cream away with a napkin, gently prodding my nose afterwards with his finger, making me giggle. Then Remus puts his hand up, as if to give me a high five. I smile sadly, as I watch myself put my own hand up to his. Putting our hands together was our way of telling one another that we loved each other. That came from one of Remus' acts of incredible sweetness. About a month into our dating, we got into an argument over some silly thing. We had scheduled a date but I locked him out of the house. He had knocked and knocked but I sat in my room like the stubborn ass that I can be sometimes. He had climbed up the vine to my room and had pressed his hand against my window. When I went over to go shout at him to go away, that I didn't want to speak with him anymore, I saw that there was something on his hand. He had written "I love you." on his hand, and that said more than words alone ever could. When I think about it I smile. That was one of the happiest days of my life. It had been the first time he told me he loved me. As I look down at my happy, carefree self in the picture, I feel a pang of jealousy spread in my body like wildfire.

How pathetic am I to feel jealous of an old photograph? A picture of a time that I know can never happen again?

I walk over to my desk. On it lie all Remus's stuff that I've accumulated in the past few months. I haven't got around to returning it yet. I gently place the photo on the desk with the other things. I won't be needing it anymore. My memories are to stay forever with that photo-and away from me. A tear rolls down my cheek.

After all, I'm trying to forget it all. I have to, or I'll go insane.

I'm trying to forget him. That he ever even happened.

Underwear?

Check.

Hair ties? Brush? Ribbons?

Check, check, check.

Remus?

Remus?

Remus?

What am I thinking?

Slowly I zip my suitcase closed and sink onto my bed, defeated.

_'The train on track twelve going from Bristol to Paris, France, is departing in five minutes. Again, the train destined for Paris is _

_leaving in five minutes.'_

I have to hurry! I'm running down the station trying to get to the right track, and of course it has to be the last platform in the station. Leave it to me to be late. I couldn't sleep last night, and when I eventually cried myself to sleep it was so late that I slept through my alarm clock this morning.

'Damn!' I hear myself curse aloud as I trip over my shoelace and go crashing to the floor. My suitcase snaps open, and my bra goes flying out. Great. I hastily scramble back up and shove my stuff back into my suitcase. Wonderful, my knee is bleeding.

I hear a train whistle. I had better make this train, or I will be stuck here for at least another week. I cant stay any longer, I have to get out of here. I don't know why they don't have more trains running this route. Ignoring the stinging sensation in my knee, I hurry on, almost there.

My cousin, Vicatavia, lives in a suburb near Paris. She told me I could stay with her a couple of months until things settle down and I get used to this new life. She's not really my cousin only by marriage.

I owe her everything, because other than her, I have nowhere to go. I was forced to resign as an auror, because people with my condition are 'a potential threat to co-workers and defenders of the Ministry'. That lousy excuse-of-a-minister Fudge fired me.

As I approach the train I see a man in a uniform putting the last of the baggage inside the train. I catch up to him and hand him my bag. He gives me a reprimanding look and grudgingly takes my suitcase from me.

'You had better be hurrying, Miss,' he says, 'The train's about to leave..'

I nod absentmindedly and turn to face the door to the train car. I take a deap breath and close my eyes. I realize that this isn't just getting on a train. This is the change of a lifetime. I have to get used to being what Remus made me, and when I set foot on this train, there's no going back. I have nothing left here, not even a job. So here I am, basically running away.

Well, here goes nothing, I think as I lift a foot that feels as if it's made of lead.

'TONKS!' I hear. 'WAIT! HOLD UP!'

Shit. I know that voice all too well.

I don't want to turn around. I'm afraid of what I know I will see standing before me. I recognize the voice instantly (how could I not?) and I realize that I'm terrified. I thought I was prepared for Remus to try and stop me. I was actually planning on ignoring him, trying to lessen the pain for both of us. I thought I could handle it, that I could control myself. But I love him too much not to turn around.

Sure enough, standing in front of me is Remus Lupin, looking worse than I've ever seen him, and somehow I don't think its because of his ragged clothes or because its almost full moon. I can tell he hasn't been sleeping or eating in the last few days.

He takes a step closer to me, with that unmistakable look sorrow and loneliness in his eyes.

'Tonks,' he says softly. 'Don't go.'

Oh no. Don't let him do this to me, not now when I've just got everything figured out.

'Remus-'

'No, listen to me! Please.' He silences me with a look.

I sigh. What choice do I have? I tap my foot expectantly, trying to give the impression that I don't care, but I think that he can see through that.

'I'm sorry I hurt you, and I would give my life to take away what I did to you. But going away will just make it worse for us both, can't you see that? I can't live without you, Tonks. Don't do this to me, please don't leave me! I can never love anyone other than you, and if you walk out on me today I don't know if I can go on living like this. You're the light of my life. Don't go away.' he pleads, getting frantic.

The baggage-man clears his throat and I glance over my shoulder at him. He taps his watch expectantly. I look back at Remus, standing there with offering me nothing but an apology.

Remus looks into my eyes, trying to get me to stay. But my mind is made up already. I can't stay, not when I am still like this. It's not that I can't forgive Remus, but I don't think I can forgive myself for what I let happen to me. I really don't want to hurt anyone, but I've run out of options. Wordlessly, I turn and climb into the coach. And before I can stop myself, I look over my shoulder and steal a glance at Remus, probably the last time that I will ever see him.

'I'm sorry,' he whispers quietly.

'I know.' I say, and I do know he is sorry. If theres one thing that is for sure on this earth, it's that Remus is sorry. All I can do is hope that he will find love again, even if I know for sure that I won't.

I disappear into the train.

I think about what just happened, and a single teardrop rolls down my cheek. Before I can help myself, I find myself wishing to see Remus for one last time. I wish he knew how much I love him.

The teardrop splashes onto my lap and my vision blurs for a second. I close my eyes for a moment, and when I open them again, something catches my eye.

The corner of a piece of paper sticks out from my bag. As far as I know, it wasn't there before. I slowly reach and grasp the paper. It is thick and glossy, but completely blank. I turn it over.

Ah.

It's the picture. The one of Remus and me at Fortesque's.

I turn the picture over again. Then, as if written by an invisible hand, words appear on the page.

"I will never love again. I love you, Tonks. Love always, Remus."

There he is.

Remus is standing on the platform outside my window. Our eyes lock for a split second, and my entire relationship with Remus flashes before my eyes. The love, the happiness, and the sorrow. Slowly, Remus raises his hand and puts it up to my window. I feel the tears coming again. The train starts to move, and Remus runs along with it. I see his lips moving but I can't hear what he is shouting.

I am so confused. What should I do? The train starts to gain more speed, and I can see that Remus is struggling to keep up now.

I close my eyes for a split second to hold back the tears and then he's gone.

'NO!' I shout instinctively. 'NO, DON'T GO!' How could I have been so foolish? I love him, and I just let him get away! I realize with a pang deep in my stomach that I've just made a really bad descision. I should have stayed with Remus.

I burst out of my compartment and run wildly to the back of the train, pushing people out of the way and jumping over suitcases and carpet bags. I don't care that I've just knocked an old man into his seat. I run through three coaches until I come to the very back of the train. There is a single, small rectangular window in the last coach. I hurl myself against it and look outside. The door rattles and almost swings open from the sheer force when I slam into it, and I think I hear someone shouting at me from the front but I don't care. All I care about is Remus. I have to tell him I love him. He has to know! My eyes sweep the platform swiftly as I look for a trace of the tired man that holds my heart.

But he's not there. I'm too late. I see his retreating figure disappear into a doorway. I would give anything to have him look back for just one moment!

But he doesn't.

'NOOO!' I shout as I pound my hand repeatedly against the window. 'NO! I LOVE YOU, REMUS LUPIN! I-I lo-love y-you! D-don't g-go! Leave-alone-forever-love' I stutter, my voice barely a whisper now. 'I..I love you…'

Tears roll down my face in streams as I sink onto the floor in a crumpled heap. My arm hangs limply above my weak shoulders, and my fingertips barely reach the window. My hand lingers pointlessly on the door, and I wish with all my heart that Remus could see. If only I hadn't been so stupid! I blew my chance. I messed it all up again, and it's all my fault. Just like always.

My hand falls limply to my side. I hear footsteps, and someone picks me up. That's all I can remember before everything goes black.

'My, my, my, what a mess you look, Dearie.'

I squint as I slowly open my eyes. Where am I? As everything slowly slides back into focus, I make out a plump, short woman sitting across from me.

'Wha-?' I ask stupidly.

The lady smiles. 'You passed out cold. No wonder, eh, with that ordeal back there. What's your name?' she asks politely, as she hands me some chocolate that I gladly accept.

'Nymphadora Tonks,' I say.

'My, what a lovely name! Nymphadora!' she squeals with delight. I don't have the heart to tell her that I don't really find my name as pleasing as she seems to. I simply take another chunk out of the chocolate, waiting for her to say something. When she doesn't, I swallow and croak out, 'What time is it?'

'You've been asleep there for nearly four hours, dear,' she says. 'We'll be getting to the station in about ten minutes. Whatever happened with this Remus man must have caused you not to sleep in the last month!' she jokes.

If only she knew what had really happened in the last month.

We spend the next ten minutes in silence. When I finish my chocolate I thank her and Vanish the wrapper. I can slowly begin to recognize parts of Paris; I have been here many times before. Before I know it, the train slides effortlessly into the station and the lady stands up.

'You'll be all right then? You don't need a cab or anything?'

I shake my head and wearily rise. 'No, I'm fine. Bye then,' I say, and then hastily add, 'Oh, and thank you.'

When I step off the train, I realize that I look a mess. My robes are all wrinkled and my hair is uncombed and tangled. I feel like I've aged ten years in the last week. I suppose it's a consequence of what happened to me with Remus. After all, he always looks older than he is, so it must be normal for well for people like me and Remus.

I have no trouble finding my suitcase or catching a taxi, and before I know it I am at the doorstep of my cousin's old-fashined, classic Victorian-style house, waiting to start a new life.

Two weeks later, and I am a changed person. I've spent the last two weeks carousing, eating, having fun and enjoying my vacation, so to speak. It's not really a vacation, as I currently don't have a job to vacation from. It's wonderful at my cousin's house. She is the nicest person you could ask for. I've been well fed, well cared for, and we have so much fun together it's hard to imagine.

But there's still something missing. Remus.

I know it's no use pining over him and Vicatavia keeps telling me that I should go out and accept one of the many offers for dates made to me. But I don't have the heart to. It wouldn't be fair to the guy. After all, would you want to date someone who is already in love with another? And besides, I don't want to put someone into the situation I was in with Remus.

So there it is, day by day I heal the wounds which used to run so deep. Almost everything is healed now; except the hole in my heart that used to be Remus. But I keep telling myself he's not coming back. I try to ignore the pain andconcentrate on the good things in life.

I'm taking a walk around the lake, like I do every day. I walk past Joveu's ice cream parlor and I wave. I met Joveu the first day I came here, and we've been talking ever since. He's about thirty, unmarried and really nice.

'Hey!' I say.

He waves to me, and motions for me to come to him. I walk over.

'Hello, Nee-fa-dor-a' he says. He's always had trouble with my name because of his French accent, but he flat-outrefuses to call me Tonks.

'How are you today?'

'I'm quite well, thank you.' I reply politely. 'Anything exciting happening today?'

Sometimes he has events at his parlor, to raise money for muggle charities. I notice that Joveu is wringing his hands.

'Well, I have one thing planned, but I don't know if I'm going yet...' he says. 'You see, I'm planning to ask someone out.'

I nod approvingly. 'That's good. Who? Do I know her?'

He looks at me. 'It's you,' he says quietly.

I feel myself redden. 'Oh,' is all I can say.

I feel him staring at me. It occurs to me that I haven't answered him yet.

'Would you er…go out with me?' he says.

'Umm...listen, I like you Joveu, but-'

'No need to continue' he says glumly. 'I understand.'

I stare. He doesn't understand! I would go out with him, I really would, but I can't! I'm hopelessly in love with Remus! And anyway, he wouldn't want to date a...someone like me anyway.

"Im sorry," I say, and I walk away.

Damn Remus. Why'd he have to go and be all wonderful and make me fall for him head over heels? Our love was so wonderful...and then it happened. Oh, damn, who am I kidding, its not his fault. Why'd I leave him?

Did I think I would be better off here? Was I under the impression that I was escaping my problems or something? Because I still miss him. I don't think I'll ever love anyone as much as I love Remus. I'm really starting to regret that I left London. I used to want a fairy-tale love for myself. I'd always think that some charming prince would come to me when I was in peril and sweep me off my feet and proclaim his love. But I was stupid then. Nothing like that will ever happen to me-after all, I run away from my problems.

I've been living a lie. I'm here, in this wonderful place, and I know I should be happy. I even pretend to be happy. But I know that deep down inside, I'm not. I'll never be happy without Remus.

My chances of seeing Remus again are next to nothing. Especially because of the whole episode on the train. He probably doesn't even want to hear about me at all. I've hurt him so much…he's probably moved on by now.

As I mill about through the crowded market pavilion, I'm not really paying attention to where I'm going. I crash into some man and he drops a carton of eggs but I don't pay attention when he yells at me. I'm looking at the cloudless blue sky, dazed.

Something makes me look down again. People are passing in the little cobblestone road in front of me, going about their normal everyday lives. I stand in the street, just watching, when suddenly I freeze. Am I seeing right? No, can't be.

The crowd parts and it seems as if I am alone in the street almost alone. Standing no less than fifteen feet away from me is Remus. All the other people on the street have faded away, it's just me and him. I can't believe he's here.

I do the only thing any girl in love would do. I run to him.

When he takes me up into his arms, I don't care about anything in the past. I'm living now, and I want to be with Remus. I look deeply into his eyes.

'You came,' I say.

He smiles.

'Of course I came. I love you.'

I want to smile too. But I can't.

"Listen, Tonks. We can make this work. Come home, move in with me. As long as we have each other, we'll be allright."

I don't say anything, but inside, my thoughts are whirling faster than a tornado. A few precious moments pass and I still dont say anything. When I look up again, though, I realize that Remus isn't smiling anymore. He looks…scared?

"Oh God…you're happy here," he says, "I'm sorry, I should have realized you'd moved on."

He's speaking in an almost mechanical voice now. His eyes glaze over and he gets a harsh look to him. He turns to leave, and I still haven't really registered what he just said.

"Goodbye then, Tonks," Remus says.

Wait. Goodbye? Suddenly, I realize what he's just said. He thinks I don't want him anymore! Shit! No! I'm not letting him get away again!

"REMUS!" I shout. He stops, and I run up to him.

"I – love – you!" I pant, catching my breath. "I'm _not_ happy here, I'm sorry if that's what you thought. I'm not happy. But I cant be happy there, either."

"I see," he says, still looking sad.

"No, you don't!" I say frantically. I realize he wants to go again, and that this must be very hard for him. I grab his arm. "I'm not going to lose you again, Remus. I can't do it."

After processing what I've just said, Remus looks up at me, and I see a very faint smile pass across his lips. "You…you want me back?" he asks.

Now it's my turn to smile. "Of course I do, silly," I say, trying to lighten the almost too serious mood. "I just don't want to move in with you,"

He stops smiling. "What?" he asks, confused.

"I said, I'm not going to move in with you. Why don't _you_ move in with _me_?"

Remus stares.

"Come on, Remus, you know you're not happy there anymore. The only reason you were there was for Sirius. Come live here. We'll find a small apartment, and we'll live out here, where no one can bother us," I pause, and I can tell he's thinking about it.

"Remus, I cant go back. But I think it would do us both good to start over. And this is the perfect place. Think about it."

Remus takes my hands in his, and looked into my eyes. "I don't have to think about it. I've already made up my mind…"

He leans in, and I close my eyes. When his lips touch mine I know that I am in heaven. I'm so lucky to have found the man that I will love forever, and right now I could care less about what kind of creatures we are. I just enjoy the kiss and realize that I am the luckiest woman in the world.

The kiss ends, much to my disapproval. Remus sweeps me off my feet into his armsand I think to myself, that I seem to have found my fairytale ending. But that's not really what it is. I haven't found an ending; it's a beginning. A beginning ofa completely new life, one that fully includes Remus. And I am _so_ ready to live it.

And so, in the bliss of that warm spring evening, us two werewolves walk off into the sunset.

A/N So? Review!


End file.
